Sincerely, Princess Peach
by LoZeldafreak
Summary: The Princess has a few things to say to Mario! This is a short story i did for fun. It is basically a bunch of letters from Peach and Mario, and sometimes others too. Letter 14 is now on, so go R&R!
1. Letter 1

Dear Mario,

_I have been locked up inside this smelly tower for days waiting to be rescued. SO WHERE ARE YOU! I am so bored in here with no one to talk to except that oafish reptile, who is always tying me up and poking with his exceedingly large claw. And it's not like there is anything to do in this stupid tower. I mean, Bowser doesn't even have cable and the only videos he has are Barney tapes and an exercise tape from the eighties. (Apparently, it's his cousin that stars in them). Now that I've watched them for the millionth time, there is nothing to do._

_But what is taking so long? Jump on a few goombas, run through the level, kill Bowser and rescue me. Is that so hard? I know Toad is no help, but I think you have an idea which castle I'm in. It's the big black one in the 6th level that I'm always captured in! It's nice of you to come to save me and all, but could you step on it? _

_ Sincerely, Princess Peach_

_PS: I made a list of things I would like you to pick up along the way_

_- New Shoes_

_Six pack of Dr. Pepper_

_Comb_

_Conditioner_

_'Fifth Element' DVD_

DVD player

Some Twinkies

Hairdryer


	2. Letter 2

_Dear Princess Peach, _

_Look, I'm doing the best I can. Fighting goombas, defeating bosses, and dodging fire isn't classified as easy. I've already died 7 times, in the desert world alone! It's not like I have any weapons like that pretty boy, Link, or can throw a poke' ball and my freakish pets to do all the work. I'll I get is a tail, and maybe if I am lucky, I can shoot fire balls. But that's it. So I would say I am doing pretty darn well. _

_I know Bowser doesn't hand out chocolates, but would you just be patient! I am sure there is a do in that castle; you're just being a big baby. Just use your imagination. Why don't you learn to knit, or read a book, or put rat poison in Bowser's food?_

_By the way, I know which castle you're in but it's the last one and the most guarded. Plus, Luigi refuses to help; he's too tired of saving you with no reward and he thinks Bowser smells weird. Also, Yoshi is on vacation in Europe. So just be patient!_

_ Sincerely, Mario_

PS: If you want me there faster, don't except me to do your shopping!


	3. letter 3

Dear Mario,

Or should I say Mr. I think Jumping on Things Is Oh So Hard. Next time, I think I should save you from Bowser. I bet I could do it twice as fast, and in heels.

Anyways, I think you should know what Bowser is up to. His plan is to marry me so that when daddy dies, he will be the rightful ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. Imagine marrying that revolting lizard! Yuck! I don't know how he is going to get me to go along with this. You don't have to worry, Mario, you're the only man for me. Though Luigi has been working out…Err, forget that last line. You're my one true love.

You should also know that Bowser has taking extra precautions not to stop you from rescuing me. He still hasn't forgotten the whole clown incident. He has built a bunch of castles to try and stop you, though you can just go around them. There is a back door over to the left of the bushes. You see, Bowser figured that he couldn't get his mail if he didn't have a backdoor installed for the mailman (with his monthly Martha Stewart magazine coming, he wasn't taking any chances).

Hurry up because your ideas for something to do are totally not working. I tried knitting, but the goombas keep eating my yarn. And the whole rat poison thing didn't go to well either. Bowser is immune to it. In fact, he keeps it on the table right next to the salt and pepper. Thanks for trying though.

Love Peach

PS: If anyone offers you sandwiches, don't take them. Poor, poor Wario, if only he- just don't eat the sandwiches.


	4. Letter 4

Dear Princess Peach,

Okay, listen here Princess. I work out too; I'm just… built bigger than Luigi! Also, you have no idea how difficult it is to save you're butt time and time again, you are lucky I'm doing it at all. Hawaii is starting to look really inviting.

Anyway, thanks for your advice on the backdoor. I suppose it _sort of _helps. But I never knew what good ideas Martha Stewart had! I learned how to make these great crepes…I mean, it's very hard to save you and I'm doing my best.

As for the whole boredom thing, I find it very amusing to really irritate Bowser by shaving off that ridiculous mane of his when he's sleeping or poking him continuously. Maybe he won't want to marry you if you do that. But stop complaining to me because I could be making crepes…I mean jumping on goombas than reading your pitifully long lines of complaint.

Oh yeah, I picked up Toad along the way. Though I am begging to think it was a bad idea. He keeps demanding piggy-back rides or he will drop the magic wand we need to turn your dad back into a human into one of the many pools of lava along the way. He is a lot heavier than I thought! Then he started signing Old Mc Donald and I can't get him to shut up. Why I ever decided to let him come, I have no idea. Oh, now I remember. He did that super cute, super irresistible, face. Plus he gave me a whole box of hot pockets and some AC DC tapes. Any ways, we will see you in a few days.

Sincerely,

Mario

PS: Did you know that you could make your own curtains for less than you spend on make-up? Gosh, I've got to get a subscription for this Martha Stewart thing.


	5. Letter 5

Dear Mario,

I can't believe it's today! I am so excited! I am having a party to celebrate and it is going to be so much fun. I invited Daisy and Luigi and Link and Zelda and a whole bunch more people. Donkey Kong is coming, but I made him promise he will put on deodorant and won't dance on the tables like he did at Daisy's birthday.

You should thank me because it wasn't easy to get Bowser to go along with this. He is such a party-pooper. At first, he wouldn't even listen to what I had to say after he heard the word party, even though I mentioned it was for our you-know-what. But I whined and whined and whined and he couldn't take it anymore so he gave in. Well, I think he did. He just kept mumbling something about monkey hair and diet Pepsi (I think he is still upset about Donkey Kong coming. You know how much he drinks and sheds during the winter.). Anyways, I pretty sure that means yes. And even in the event that it means no, it doesn't really matter because I invited everyone anyways.

But enough about the party! I want you to know I still love you very much after four years, even though you take forever to rescue me. I got your gift already; I have been planning it for months. I am sure you already got my present because you are the best boyfriend ever and you would never forget about this extra special day, but if you didn't, I am sure I could give you a few hints. It's pink, it is the mini version, and it plays music.

But I didn't need to tell you that, you know exactly what I would want, don't you?

I will see you at the party! Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you the time. It is this Saturday at 6:00 pm. Don't be late!

Sincerely,

Princess Peach

_I sincerely hope you enjoyed this latest letter and feel like reviewing. Thank you to everyone that has reviewed this story so far. That includes annalisavk, Fawfulcone, Prince Izzy X, hamgirl, Eleventy Nine, Princess Peach, Casiana 1, Da Kuz bucket, Lord Fluffy's Minion, and Smile Guy. Wow, that is a lot of people (ten, for those who forgot to count) and I want to thank them all for reviewing so far. Many Hindu gods smile down upon them and give their blessings. (I am not religious, just felt like saying that)._


	6. Letter 6

Dear Luigi,

What did I do wrong? Peach won't talk to me at all and she won't return my letters as usual. Please, I don't know who else to turn to!

Sincerely,

Your desperate brother


	7. Letter 7

Dear Mario,

You _are _thick. Take one guess, just one guess, why Peach won't talk to you. Maybe it has something to do with forgetting your anniversary. Maybe it has something to do with what you got her? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she baked a thirty foot, mushroom shaped cake for a party that you were late for. Mario, it makes me sick to be your brother. But since you are all alone in this world, except for your dear younger brother, I will help you get out of this mess.

First, try writing to Peach and telling her that you are sorry. You can't keep asking why she is mad because it makes you look even worse not realizing why she is upset.

Next, you should get her a present that she really wants. I honestly don't know how some one could possibly think that by pink, miniaturized, and plays music she meant a Barbie karaoke machine and not a pink i-pod mini. And next time, don't leave the price tag on when you buy things at Walmart.

Now, you need to do something romantic for her like take her out on a classy date. Buy her champagne and take her to a fancy restaurant with live music. Don't forget chocolates or a bouquet, girls are a sucker for that. Daisy loves it when she gets compliments, so you should make sure you tell her that she looks beautiful and has a great smile.

Trust me Mario, with these tips Peach is going to forgive you like that. (Um, imagine me snapping my fingers).

Later,

Luigi

Author's Note:

Grrr…I am so uncool! This is like the seventh letter and I haven't said a word about it! Okay, here is the deal. All the Princess Peach letters are done by yours truly. Now the Mario letters on the other hand, those are done by my awesome friend Maddy (with some weird random stuff by me thrown in). Anyways, I think everyone out there who likes this story should give a big thanks to her (a great way to do this would be in a review). She is in Europe right now, no clue where in Europe, and I think it would be so cool if she came back with a bunch of reviews saying thanks to her!


	8. Letter 8

Dear Princess Peach,

I am sorry I made you mad. I now understand why….err, actually, I always knew why. I just didn't act like it because, um, I wanted to see if you knew. Yeah, that was it. I am sending you a gift right now and I hope you like it. Just for your safety though, don't poke at it because it might bite and squirt liquid at you. Trust me.

I bought you some chocolates and flowers, but, well…you see, Toad got hungry (I mean really hungry; he even ate the box), and Birdo thought the flowers were for her and sort of took them. But it's okay, the flowers were daisies and the chocolates where dark, and Luigi just informed me that you hate both of those things.

I also wanted to say that you're as pretty as Daisy…maybe even prettier…but she does have a smaller nose- um, forget that last part. You're beautiful as a princess. Wait, you are a Princess. What I meant to say is most Princesses are about as pretty as you. No, wait, I mean- oh just forget it.

Any ways, will you ever forgive me?

Mario


	9. Letter 9

Dear Mario,

NO.

-Princess P.


	10. Letter 10

Dear Princess Peach,

Please?

Sincerely,

Mario


	11. Letter 11

Dear Mario (the worst boyfriend in the world),

FORGIVE YOU? Why the hell should I? I plan a giant party, I bake a thirty foot tall mushroom shaped cake, I get you new overalls with your initial _hand embroidered _on the pockets and a Green Day CD, and what do I get in return? NOTHING! You didn't even remember that it was our anniversary! I mean seriously, Pikachu even remembered.

And then there are your lame-o excuses of why you were late to the party. "Toad forgot the directions and took your gift." Ha! First of all, toad showed up early to help me set up, and second of all, he doesn't have ears so what is he going to do with the i-pod that you were going to get me?

The party was a big success; you would have known that if you didn't come three hours late. Donkey Kong did no dancing on the tables (except for the chicken dance but we understand) and Gannondorf brought twister and everyone played. Also, Toads Worth made some great food, including your favorite: shrimp cocktail. But since you weren't here I gave them all to Bowser. So there!

I conclusion, I am so totally not forgiving you. By the way, I got your present. A Blooper was exactly what I wanted- not! It got one of my favorite dresses covered in ink. Though I admit it might come in handy tonight; Bowser is having his relatives over and they _love _sea food…

Sincerely,

Princess Peach


	12. From Kingdom Officals

Dear Mario Mario,

Princess Peach Toadstool wishes to activate a restraining-order. Starting the 17th of this month, you shall not get within 50 feet of the Princess until further notice. Please respond quickly. Thank you for your time, and I hope that this will not ruin your social life and/or dignity completely.

-Toadsworth

I could not sign this because I don't have fingers.

A/N: Why won't this website let you do the shift+ minus sign? I figured out this wonderful picture made by symbols on the keyboard, but it won't show up! If anyone can help me, or would like to complain with me, please feel do so in your review.


	13. Letter 12

_Oh my god, I am so sorry! I haven't updated in ages! Please forgive me; I have been a bit busy. Plus I sort of forgot about this story. I bet you all thought it was done, huh? Well, nope, last letter would be a crappy place to end. Anyways, sorry and enjoy it. _

Dear Mario,

I don't get it. Honestly, I don't get it. Why aren't you complaining to me about your life like you usually do? A month ago, you sent me twenty-three letters in three days apologizing to me, and now I haven't received a letter from you since forever. What is going on?

Is it because I kept saying no when you asked me to forgive you about the whole anniversary thing? Well, Mr. Clueless, when a says 'no' it means 'try harder you idiot'. God, you could have promised to take me to Sea World once I get out of this dump and I would have forgiven you. But, I know how you find these things difficult to grasp so, until you screw up again, I am officially not mad at you.

Speaking of Bowser's Castle, things are worse than usual. Apparently, Bowser has discovered his true passion in life (besides hurting you and stealing me that is): Being better the Simon Cowell. Okay, I know this sounds ridiculous but it's true. He some how got a hold of Simon's email address, and they have been emailing each other like crazy trying to outdo the other in miscellaneous tasks. If you don't believe me, check this out:

**To dreamcrusher168**

**From KoopaKing64**

**Subject 'yodeling'**

Listen, Cowell, if there is one thing this reptile can do better than you its yodel. Just last year I visited my cousin Hans in the Alps, and he taught me everything I know. If you want a yodeling contest, bring it on.

Reply to 'yodeling'

Oh please. I got your recording; I know monkeys that can yodel better than you. I am a Judge on the knock-off of American Idol known as American Yodeler (only aired in Switzerland) so I think I know what I am talking about when I say I will kick your ass in this competition. You just wait until you get my tape.

See? Bowser is going nuts. And he can't yodel to save his life. But I suppose that I can always find comfort in knowing that a tape with Simon Cowell yodeling will most likely catch a fair price on E-bay.

But most importantly, why aren't you sending me letters?

Sincerely,

Princes Peach

_Do you like? Then tell me and I will try to be better about updating. Oh, I almost forgot._

"When did Mario rescue Peach? How was it their anniversery if they're boyfriend and friend? Why did Peach invite Bowser? Why'd Mario get Peach a blooper? Why Luigi? Why a barbe kareoke? Why am I doing this? Besides these unaswered questions good fanfic...I guess."

_To answer these questions it was the anniversary of when they started dating. Peach did not invite Bowser to her party, but she had to get his permission before having it considering it was at his castle. Mario got Peach a blooper because he isn't too sharp when it came to impressing the ladies (plus he found it at a Kingdom novelty shop). I don't know what you mean by why Luigi, but if you are referring to why Mario asked him to help with Peach then it's because he is his brothers and that's the sort of whiny thing brothers do. Mario got Peach a Barbie Kareoke thing because that's what he thought Peach was hinting at in one of her letters. And I have no idea why you are doing this. Wait, I left the first one out. Mario has yet to rescue Peach. Right now he is in ice world trying to figure out how to rescue her with out violating the restraint order. So, Bob Forebery, there you have it. Now I ask you, what is with the 'I guess' at the end of the review? Oh, I'm just kidding. _


	14. Letter 13

Dear Princess Peach,

I haven't sent you any letters since the mailbox is within 50 feet of Bowser's castle so _I'm_ not allowed near it. If you want me to write to you so much why did you even start it anyways? I can't even get Toad to send them for me because he is so scared of Bowser's castle he wets his pants every time he sees it and they don't sell pampers in ice world. Luigi can't do it either because he is in Mongolia protesting the exploits on lemurs or whatever. I haven't seen him in a while, but last time I heard he stopped wearing shoes. Eventually, Toadsworth did it for me but that was only after I threatened to use his head as a trampoline. I think I'll use it anyways when he gets back though.

About the whole Simon Cowell thing, I don't know how well Simon can yodel, but I think Bowser has a shot. I once heard Bowser in the shower; he aint bad. If this contest thing gets in to dancing, Bowser will win for sure. After all, in the Mushroom Kingdom everything can be solved by dancing so he's had some practice. It took two and a half gallons of Gatorade and some serious practice with "D-Qwon's Dance Groove" to beat him. The castle didn't smell too good after that…

Anyways, if you want more letters from me, release me from the restraining order.

Sincerely,

Mario

_A/N_

_TV: Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Groove. Are you ready to get your groove on?_

_Mario: Yes._

_Okay, sort of a weird author's note. Hopefully I will think of what to write soon. And maybe if we're lucky, Luigi might come back from the lemur protest and we can party like its 1982! Yeah!_


	15. Letter 14

Dear Mario,

I have figured it out. It's all coming together now. The fog has lifted. I was blind but now I see. The puzzle is solved. Another case closed, my dear Watson. Another case I say!

Sincerely,

Princess Peach

Oh wait, I forgot to tell you what I figured out. I'll start at the beginning. Yesterday Bowser ordered me to make him Toaster-Strudels. So I open the freezer door and what do I find? Well, I can safely say there weren't any Toaster-Strudels. Turns out I stumbled upon the place were Bowser decided to keep all his crap. You know, his Shrinky-Dinks kit, hooked-on-phonics, expired coupons for Burger King, a moose lamp. Most of the stuff was probably the things even Good Will wouldn't take, but despite that I decided to see what I could find. And I found something very interesting: a letter addressed to you!

Immediately I read it and I was shocked- it was a copy of a letter about me setting up a restraining order. Bowser set the whole thing up! Isn't that a riot? God, who would fall for that? Oh wait, you did. So I guess that explains a few things.

Sincerely,

Princess Peach (for real this time)

PS: You do understand what this means don't you? You can save me now!

So step on it…!


	16. Letter 15

Dear Princess Peach,

Oh thanks, now you tell me. I've been searching for those Burger King coupons….

I've finally defeated that stupid fire castle, but since my trousers got caught on fire, I had to send Toad for some new ones. So, as you can imagine, I can't defeat anymore goombas or bosses with only my Barbie underwear on….I mean, err…Spiderman underwear. Um yeah, that's what the cool kids are wearing.

About that whole Bowser letter thing, I seriously didn't fall for that. I'm not that stupid. I was just testing you. And I have to say you fail miserably. Punctuation counts, missy. Those little hearts over the i's just aren't going to cut it.

Oh before I forget I guess I should thank you for your present. I always wanted a nose warmer and the pompoms are pretty 'extra specially cute' just as the card says. The only complaint is well... I mean when I wear it I…uh…feel like an idiot. Don't get me wrong, I totally love not being able to breath and having something I sneeze into attached to my face, but I think I'm good on knitted apparel for now. Actually, since you've been locked in that tower, I've been good on anything knitted. I still have the sweater, scarf, socks, garter, finger cover, tea cozy, iced tea warmer, dog bed, dog sweater, book bag, fish bowl, overalls, computer screen cover, leg warmers, pants, banana cozy and dish towel that you knitted for me.

Holy crap, you have a lot of time, woman! Wow, maybe I am slow.

Uh oh, I've got to go: the bonus level just ended.

-Mario


End file.
